As many of my friends and ‘online peeps’ know, I have been through a harrowing time the past few years.
3 years ago in January 2016 I was sexually assaulted by a male member of staff on a mental health ward.
For some reason this has become a sentence I have found easy to say. It just slips off my tongue and yet I forget that this is not an easy thing for people to hear.
Maybe it’s my autism that allows me to be so open and forthcoming. I’m very good at explaining things factually. For factual seems to make sense.
But this was so much more than a fact. This has ruined my life. Not a single day goes by that I am not affected by what happened on that ward. Day after day I have to wake up to the feeling of being that same person who was used. That same person who was so naive and so blind to what was happening.
And yet the same Trust who were treating me at that time are the ones who are still ‘treating’ me. The same people who have caused this distress and never-ending nightmare are the people I am meant to turn to when I struggle.
Barnet Enfield and Haringey Mental Health Trust are not fit for purpose. They have caused nothing but problems for me and so many others that I know. They have failed in their duty of care but refuse to admit it.
The mistakes made in my care have ruined my life. No amount of compensation will change what has been done. What could change things is proper support and care yet time and time again I have been denied this.
I’m not well, I’ve been unwell for many years. But honestly? I’m the worst I have ever been. I have lost faith in any ‘professional’. I’ve lost faith in the whole system of care.
What will it take for Barnet Enfield and Haringey to listen? More assaults? More payouts? Or will it be deaths and inquests?
I’m too scared to admit that I am unwell because I know that I’ll just end up on a worse situation if I do. So I keep it to myself. I keep quiet and hide it. But when it does explode and something does happen, this is why.